Self-Love and Your Relationship with Yourself

How Do I improve my relationship with a man? Or how do I attract love in my life?

I get asked this question a lot....



So here's the answer...

Being lonely and needy just pushes people away.

Nor can you heal a relationship in your life by talking or thinking how awful it is.

The first relationship to improve is the one you have with yourself, then all the other relationships improve too. A happy person is very attractive to others.

If you're looking for more love, then you need to love yourself more. This means no criticism, no complaining, no blaming, or whining, and no choosing to feel

lonely. It means being very content with yourself in the present moment and choosing to think thoughts that make you feel good now.

Work on loving yourself non-stop. Demonstrate the growing love you have for yourself. Treat yourself to romance and love. Show yourself how special you are. Pamper yourself. Buy yourself flowers for your home, and surround yourself with colors, textures, and scents that please you. Life always mirrors back to us the feelings we have inside.

As you develop the inner sense of love and romance, the right man to share your growing sense of intimacy with will be attracted to you like a magnet.

If you want to go from loneliness thinking to fulfillment thinking then you need to think in terms of creating a loving mental atmosphere around you.

Let all those negative thoughts about love and romance fade away, and instead, think about sharing love, approval and acceptance with everyone you meet.

When you’re able to contribute to the fulfillment of your own needs then you won’t be so needy and co-dependent. It has to do with how much you love yourself. When you truly love who you are, you stay centered, calm, and, secure, and your relationship with your man and everyone else in your life is wonderful and you attract the man who will adore you.

You will find yourself reacting to various situations and people differently. Matters that once may have been desperately important won’t seem quiet as crucial anymore.

New people will enter your life, and perhaps some old ones will disappear, this can be kind of scary at first, but it can also be wonderful, refreshing and exciting.

Once you’re clear about this issue in your mind and you know what you want in your relationship, you must go out and be with people. No one is suddenly going to appear at your doorstep.

Be open, be receptive, and the Universe will respond to you, bringing you your highest good.

So you ask, “how do I practice self-love or what does it look like?”…

Here are some self-love perspectives to start implementing first before searching for love in your life:

  1. Be kind to yourself

Realize that you’re Unique. There’s only one like you on this planet, and you’re irreplaceable. Own yourself for who you are your ethnicity, color of your hair, your height, and your accent, whatever it is own it. Be in acceptance and non-resistance mode when it comes to you. Accept who you are mentally and emotionally and where you are physically. Accept all pieces of you. Being who you are is your best bet to bringing the right man in your life. If there is something you don’t like, then begin creating a new reality for yourself through change and move forward.

2.      Fall in love with your own company

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with” said Dr. Wayne Dyer, There’s a striking difference between loneliness and being alone – loneliness occurs when you don’t enjoy your own company, it doesn’t matter whether you’re with people or not, you will still feel lonely. Spending time alone, on the other hand, can be revitalizing, peaceful and highly enjoyable. We’re running away from ourselves for example by being very busy, spending too much time with friends after work or on weekends. Be comfortable with being with yourself. Sit with the feeling of loneliness; sit alone with your voices and stop running away from yourself and your feelings. Give yourself a big hug.

Start spending time with yourself , read, have a warm bath, enjoy a glass of wine or even take yourself out for a dinner or movie. Be worthy of your own attention.

3.    Giving up the need to fit in

As Bréne Brown rightly puts it, “Fitting in is becoming who you think you need to be in order to be accepted. Belonging is being your authentic self and knowing that no matter what happens, you belong to you.”

In fact fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. You don’t have to change yourself to be accepted by a man, show up and let yourself be seen for who you are. If it doesn’t work with a man don’t take it personally, it’s not about you. You’re amazing and you’re unique.

4.     Setting healthy boundaries

You and only you are responsible for what is inside your boundaries. If someone else is controlling your love, emotions, or values, they are not the problem. Your inability to set limits on their control is the problem. So start setting healthy boundaries, you’re not being mean when you say “NO”. Good boundaries run off the wackos, and attract people who are into responsibility and relationship. Good boundaries help you to know how much to give, and when to stop giving. Boundaries help you be yourself, instead of losing yourself in someone else.

5.    Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is your gateway to all the good things in live including the relationship you want. Develop a morning and a night gratitude practice. I maintain a gratitude journal where I write 10 things I am grateful for every morning, in every area of my life including my love life. Separating gratitude into containers, where you’re grateful for everything in your life but not your love life is counterproductive and causes the energy to dip, so merge the containers of gratitude and be grateful for everything no matter how small it is.

I end the day with my “magic rock” where I hold this rock, I found in my garden and be grateful for the one god thing that happened to me that day. Holding the rock just grounds me.

This practice brings joy to me as all day I am looking for what’s going good for me.


So, what self –love perspective are you implementing today?